(Metaphorically) Set Your To-do List on Fire

I have a recurring dream. In it, we all set our to-do lists on fire and frolic in the Zilker Park grass instead. We talk about all of the wonderful life experiences we have had thus far. We slowly drink iced tea and ponder how the wildflowers became so persistent in their growth. We give ourselves permission to swim in Barton Springs and to hug puppies. We hike the Greenbelt and revel in the fall weather. Later, we eat at one of the new Austin restaurants that are always popping up. We do not talk about what we accomplished that day, and we do not hive five one another for completing more tasks than we thought mortally possible. Instead, we talk about our deep, soulful wishes. We close the evening by playing music and dancing under the stars, reveling in our freedom. Our to-do lists have gone up in smoke, and there is no turning back.

Okay, how many of you completely missed the beautiful imagery of frolicking and dancing, because you were hyperventilating at the thought of your to-do list crumbling to ashes?

Take heart. Having worked with perfectionists for a few years, I recognize the beauty and the curse of the to-do list. The beauty is that it keeps you organized. It is a way to prioritize and manage your workload. It is a concrete way to measure your productivity. You get to triumphantly mark off your accomplishments. Getting through it can be a slight (major?) adrenaline rush. People high five you for completing your to-do list. All of those things are great. (Yay!)  

The challenge is when your to-do list becomes an overwhelming, life-squashing, fun-killing mechanism for your inner perfectionist critic to beat you down with. If you consistently think, "I can't go to ____________, or I can't do ___________. I stall have things on my to-do list. I always complete the day's list. I must complete the day's list. It's what I do. I FINISH MY TO-DO LIST NO MATTER WHAT," then you might want to rethink your relationship with your to-do list. It could be tipping into unhelpful territory. (Boo!) 

If and when you are ready, here are some helpful questions to ask yourself in order to help you tame your to-do list (or set it on fire, whichever you prefer). Use your responses as a guide to shift your relationship with your daily tasks:

• Can a human realistically complete everything on your list and take care of themselves at the same time? Is there anything on this list that could wait until tomorrow? Next week?
• Where is the pressure coming from to complete everything on your list NOW? What would you like to change about that? What feels possible to change?
• What will happen to you physically, emotionally, socially, financially, and spiritually if you do not finish everything on your list today? Is this picture accurate?
• What is one joyful thing that you could do with your day if you re-prioritized your tasks?
• Have you ever had a day when you abandoned your to-do list and chose to frolic instead? What did you need in order to get into that head space? How could you get back there?
• What meaning have you associated with completing the items on your list? Do you want to keep feeding that story? What is one thing that you could do in order to step away from that myth?
• What do you need to start doing in order to make it possible to tame your to-do list? What do you need to stop doing? What is necessary for those to happen?
• What can you tell yourself in order to soothe the to-do list monster when it raises its ugly head?
• If you feel comfortable involving others in the process, how could the people in your life help you? How could you ask them for support?
• What sorts of reminders could you keep around in order to support yourself in this change? A quote? A song? A drawing? A scent?

I will close with a therapisty piece of advice if you choose to accept this quest: Remember that changing your relationship with your to-do list is a process. Some days are going to go more smoothly than others. Some tools will be more helpful than others. The important thing is that you recognize the issue and are trying to live differently. 

If you want extra support around this, set up a therapy consultation session with me. 

Lauren

Why I named my practice Hope and Humor Therapy

Over the past few months, several people have asked me why I named my practice Hope and Humor Therapy. Oftentimes others are taken aback by the name; they will ask me to repeat it once or twice. I am guessing that they expected it to be more straightforward or speak just to the pain and suffering of clients. Those things just don’t happen to fit my perspective on therapy. 

I chose Hope and Humor, because I think that those are the things that get us through the rough stuff, and they create space for joy in the therapeutic work. To me, hope is your belief that things can change. Perhaps you need me to hold the hope for you every once in awhile. Maybe you don’t know how or what needs to change in the moment, but you believe that a shift can happen. You know that your soul wants to sing a different tune.

Humor is your ability to see the lighter side of the darker moments. You won’t see it all of the time; otherwise, it wouldn’t be a tough time. Perhaps just for a second you can catch a glimpse of the lighter side. Something unexpectedly catches you as funny, or you specifically take a moment to watch a hilarious cat video. Whatever it may be, these moments break up the “blech” feeling that can envelop you during a hard time.

Both of these are key to therapeutic work. You have to believe that you can change, and you have to hold onto light moments while you change. Trying new things, creating new ways of thinking, letting go of old patterns, all of these are required in therapy, and all of these can really suck sometimes. These skills are brand new to you, and you aren’t going to be good at them at first. In fact, you might be downright horrible at them. That’s okay! Your hope, your humor, your resiliency, and our work together will get you through.

The name Hope and Humor also creates space for joy in therapeutic work. As you move through the tough stuff and learn new ways of handling it, you can have really ecstatic moments. I have them with clients all of the time, then they ask me if we are really, “Doing therapy,” since they are having fun. The answer is: Hell yes! All feelings and experiences are welcome here; this is your space to feel however you feel and experience whatever you need to experience, hope, joy and humor included.

If you are ready to experience a different way of doing therapy, connect with me here. 

- Lauren, HHT 

An Interview with Laurel Kinney, stylist for your core self!

This month, I interviewed Laurel Kinney, personal stylist and genuinely kind person. I have been lucky enough to meet up with Laurel a few times to discuss her work. She is so caring and empathetic! Every time we chat, I feel so appreciative of her views on style and self-confidence. They are deep! Check out her thoughts below 

Tell me about yourself and what you do

I am a personal wardrobe stylist and I love working with creative professionals and general bad asses who want to better reflect who they really are via their personal style.  I work one on one to figure out who you are, and how to align your mission & beliefs with the clothes you wear.  I have a really fun, therapeutic, efficient process which includes sorting the closet, personal shopping, and styling new outfits with everything in the closet.  I also am launching a group online course in style discovery this June called the Style Shift Workshop!

What motivates you to do what you do?

I am motivated by the depth of personal style.  I truly believe that everyone can experience the power, confidence, connection, and creativity having a style you love can bring.  Your style is the first way you communicate with people, and it matters on so many more levels than just the surface.  I feel more motivated, focused, and free when I know my outfit is aligned with who I am, and I want everyone to have that feeling.  It's exciting because it looks different for everyone, and I never get bored! 

Tell me about a moment when you felt truly awesome:

Recently I had a client who needed a new wardrobe for her new career.  Seemed simple enough, but when we scratched the surface we realized the clothes she'd been wearing were very related to a hardship she'd experienced in her life, and were being used as a shield to protect her from anyone getting too close.  When you're dressing in a very overtly loud way, you're shouting to the world "I'M FINE, DON'T MIND ME!" but this doesn't always serve us once we've dealt with our sh*t.  It was really exciting to explore a more approachable (but one not devoid of personality) style that supported the person she'd become, and was reflective of where she wanted to go next.  

How do you get through periods of self-doubt?

I usually find that my self-doubt comes from fear/anxiety about the future. How will I make a million dollars?  What if I put myself out there and people don't like me, or worse, no one even notices at all?  I have a really strong group of entrepreneurial women pals and a business coach who all know what it's like to experience the ups and downs of business ownership and providing a service, and I really rely on them to be a touchstone when things get icky or weird.  It also helps to remind myself to celebrate the fact that I am actually living out my dream career every day, warts and all. 

What do you want other women to know about self-acceptance and self-celebration?

DON'T FORGET TO CELEBRATE!  I realize I already said it but it's so important!  It's so easy to meet a goal and shift right on over to the next one, but without acknowledging the work you've done and the things you've accomplished, what exactly is the point?  On the personal style tip, I have to mention that many people think they need to look a certain way or make a certain amount of money before they address their personal style, but I know it is possible to feel amazing in your clothes no matter what size, shape, or income you have.  By wearing what makes you feel confident, you're opening yourself up to far more possibility in life than you know! 

As someone who has changed careers a few times, I can truly appreciate the need for shifting clothing in order to fit a new path in life. It really does make a different in how you carry yourself and how you approach situations! (At least it did for me.) Feeling good about yourself and what you present to the world is so important; style should reflect and support that! You are so right Laurel. If you want to learn more about Laurel's work, you can check her out here.